Top 5 Reasons I Hate Brett Favre

With the sainted Brett Favre in the news lately whining about wanting to come back and play again, it has dredged up all the reasons I dislike the man, and added a couple of new ones. Here are the things about him that really stick in my craw:

5. Everybody loves him - I tend to dislike those teams/persons/things that everyone likes. I always pull for the underdog, for the lesser-known, and am annoyed when someone is made out to be Mr./Ms. Perfect and that not loving him/her is absolutely unthinkable. Favre is one of these people. Broadcasters, analysts, everybody related to football seems to have a non-sexual crush on Favre. Now, I don't blame Brett for that, but it is still a reason I loathe him, especially because...

4. Everybody always talks about him - Okay, we get it. He's a great quarterback, he's tough, he's played through some difficult situations and has achieved some incredible feats. I've heard about them... over, and over, and over, and over. Can we just please talk about something else? I hear there's a guy named Bonds who hasn't been talked about enough.

3. He can't make up his damned mind - For a man who is supposedly a maverick or a gunslinger or some other romanticized Wild West cliche, he sure can't make a decision. If he showed as much restraint and forethought when he played football as he does when thinking about whether he wants to play football, he might not be the career leader in interceptions. But no, when he's not flinging around a football, he's wishy-washy and indecisive. Maybe the Packers need to send a linebacker blitz after him during the offseason to get him to make a decision. What compounds this problem is that his indecisiveness makes reason #4 exponentially more annoying because all anyone can talk about is what he's going to do. When he finally "retired" earlier this year, I was able to survive the weeks of tributes and gushing about him because I thought it meant I wouldn't have to hear about him anymore. But noooooooo, he just had to get "the itch", which means not only will he be around longer, but when he re-retires, we'll have to go through all this garbage again! Which brings us to...

2. He's selfish - I understand that it's tough deciding when to retire, that you only get one life and you have to make the most of it, but come on! If you think you might want to play again, then don't f-ing retire! If you retire but get "the itch", put on some Gold Bond or BOOM, tough-actin' Tinactin, as the Brett-Favre Fan Club President John Madden would recommend, and gut it out. The itch will pass. Don't go changing your mind and screwing with your team, your fans, and especially those who despise you and wish you would disappear. Let the Packers move on, like they had been planning. Let your fans honor your career, then move on and find someone else to admire. And let the rest of us be rid of your annoying presence. Don't give a big middle finger to everyone by coming back and then demanding you get your job back, or else you'll go work elsewhere.

1. He's given me reason to not hate the Packers as much - This may be Brett's greatest crime of all. For all the reasons he's given me, a Vikings fan, to despise the Packers, to pull something like this is just a low blow. Why has he given me reason to think better of the Packers? Because of the way they've handled the situation, by telling him he can't come back and expect his job back, and that they won't just release him to go play elsewhere. They've told him they're doing things on their terms and that, as much as he's done for the franchise, he can't call the shots. I respect that, and it pisses me off. Leave it to Brett to be the one person who could douse the flames of my hatred for the Packers.